“Where the hell is the !@#damn bathroom?!”

I woke up 50 minutes before it was time to get up for work, and I had to take a leak. I was tired and din’t want to wake up and risk not being able to fall back to sleep for the remaining time I had left, so I went back to sleep.

Soon, I was walking around a large Burger-King, looking for a bathroom. Signs pointed towards this supposed restroom, but it clearly wasn’t in the building. I was quite literally pissed, so I asked an employee, “Where the hell is the &$#damn bathroom?!”, and they in an embarrassed tone explained that their bathroom was taken out of the main building and an outparcel building in the parking lot had their employee bathroom. I’d have to pay $1 to use it if I wanted to.

“Ya’ll are gonna be paying ME $5 to piss on your floor in a minute!,” I replied. My wife was mortified, but soon the manager came out and apologized and said I could use the restroom for free. “No, no, you’re gonna owe ME $5.” Meanwhile, the Burger-King radio station played an airy, silly 80’s sounding tune.

Turning away, some girls stopped us and congratulated me in my display, and said to my wife, “It must be nice to be married to Samuel L. Jackson,” and as we walked out, my wife teased me the whole way.

When I woke up, I had to piss like a race horse, and I had the song stuck in my head.

I wrote the song on my Garageband app while eating my breakfast real quick before work.

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