So now, as a mere sigil, I’ll explain to you of the earliest meditation that I conducted — very much like my sleep experiments from times past. Except, of course… magick.
I’ve been reading Christopher Penczak’s Instant Magick, and his methods for meditation reminded me an awful lot of the same tricks and work I’ve incorporated into my Lucid Dreaming experiments. My initial reaction to treat these like attempts at W.I.L.D.s hindered me from achieving any real headway with meditation. Then I read in Instant Magick that it should only take about 5 minutes to get to a good Alpha State, and that once you’ve relaxed the body in a very magic version of similar Lucid Dreaming techniques and counted down from 12 to 0, and then 13 to 0, you should be as far as you need to go for meditation.
This helped me greatly appreciate that Lucid Dreaming requires sleep. At some point, you would have to be consciously aware, within the subconscious. That’s no small feat, or location to be in. However, it’s not where you want to be at for the practice of meditation in magick.
My day was incredibly polarized, despite having a mostly chill, confident and good day. My morning, however, was anything but! I woke up exhausted, and I just now remembered that I swung out in my sleep and knocked a nearby tray table down 15 minutes before I had to wake up. I finally forced myself up, I began to have an honest to goodness, panic attack.
I began shuddering, crying, I got soap in my eyes, the razor wasn’t in the shower after I got all lathered up!
I got dressed and started feeling a little better after playing some music and splashing on my day’s ritualistic array of scents. Some pomade, some cologne, deodorant, after shave.
Only, then I walked outside into the day’s air.
My eyes began to sting! They’d water up, I’d rub them, they’d burn. They’d burn, they’d sting, they’d water. Repeat, over and over. It wasn’t letting up. I couldn’t walk into work with tears in my reddened eyes!
I put on sunglasses, and went in. Feeling better, I started the day’s activities. It was initially slow, and began to pick up slowly. My mid-shift helper came in. Lunch rolled around. Only the most minor of stresses. I had the most depolarized day. It wasn’t intended, and I hadn’t done any….
… Oddly, I just remembered that I did a quick grounding exercise before I walked into work. I didn’t walk into work with my sunglasses on, I had taken them off right after I had pretended to be looking at my phone, when in actuality, I was performing a grounding ritual. It was very brief, however.
… So I came out of work feeling surprisingly good. Not elated, but not sedated. I picked up some mail at the folks’, and got home to find my backyard filled with people. The landlord was in town. I was perfectly chill, “Hey, how’s everybody doing?” I walked upstairs into my apartment, and immediately smoked some pot.
Blue Dream, so far my favorite strain.
I then got my pillow topped alter prepared (exactly what it sounds like), placed a dark reflective pan on the chair in front of me, a candle on the folding tray table behind me. The lights were turned off, and an Alpha to Delta Wave binaural song was being played.
I began my relaxing exercises and visuals. I breathed in through my nose with my eyes shut, and imagined when I breathed out, that the negative energies were being blown out of my Third Eye. A bizarre visual, to be sure, but a necessary one since it seems to work so well for me. I made sure I was comfortable, and then went to work shutting down all of the separate parts of the body. I visualized an energy emitting from roughly 5-10 inches above the crown of my head and causing a relaxing vibration being sent to my head. Suddenly, cheek muscles were loosening their tension and my jaw was slowly opening. Then I moved down to the neck and so on.
Soon I was to my feet, and I could literally feel physical vibrations in my feet and toes. I was completely relaxed, physically. Now that my focus was so off of my material and worldly troubles, I was able to exist only within the spiritual. The next steps are a count down, which in these relaxed states always have an interesting impact. Fear or fascination with the “mystic” make this part of the exercise feel more intense. I counted from 12 to 0, like Penczak said in his book. I visualized the numbers appearing in a dramatic, smoke and CGI spectacle. Then 13 to 0.
3, 2, 1… 0
Lights came on in my apartment. At least that’s what it looked like behind my closed eyes. I didn’t open my eyes or move a muscle. I reminded myself that the weird and bizarre are pretty much denizens of this domain, ever since the Lucid Dreaming exercises. I was in a small room, lit only by digital patterns lining the walls, floors and ceiling. Pentacles, stars, and triangles, by the hundreds. I calmly sat within this space, and put forth the question I had strengthened my crushed and sad heart with knowing I’d get to ask later that day. And to whom was I asking this and other questions? The Divine Will. The Higher Self. My most idealized version of myself that might, some where or when, in some Interference Pattern, lattice-work, parallel world be living the happiest life on top of all the other options, decisions and possibility that instead caused me to end up here.
My first question, “Why did I break down this morning? What can I do to prevent something like that again?”
Lights, as if I was at the receiving end of a Jacob’s Ladder, reached across the expanse of darkness and clouds above and lapped at my Third Eye. I was still fairly high, but it was a weed high, and this was almost a mushroom level of visuals and intensity. I know the difference. Instead, this was a strong, psychological and/or metaphysical experience.
Well, the thought returned to me, you could become depolarized and centered. You won’t have any of those super lows anymore…. but of course, that comes with a cost. Likewise, super up days, where you can do no wrong and are just elated… those two are sacrificed. Instead, you would have to become very, very chill. The advantages, I can see. Bursts of emotion would only come from a slip up, or as part of a ritual in order to summon some specific train of thought.
I heard music still. Again, probably only because of the weed. I saw music video-like visuals for this imagined music. On alien worlds, a musical band was touring. The song kept plodding along, and I saw a strange, unearthly group of musicians, wearing bright colors. It felt almost spiritual, and suddenly I began to recognize the song was in the style of the band Daft Punk, and this whole imagined scenario that came from the music I heard in my head was just me mimicking the film Interstellar 5555.
Instantly, my head slammed down into my alter, which I am now glad I placed a pillow upon. I was embarrassed, and had a coy smirk on my face, but I decided to salvage this, and returned my face to relaxed, neutral state. I slowly sat back up and began again. This time, little to work or time was required, and I was back into deep meditation.
I had let the harpies of my own psyche, music and other distractions, lead me off path. I realized what I had been reading and thinking already in the last few days was proven correct. Meditation to petition the Divine Will was not like Lucid Dreaming. Lucidity requires one to be asleep. These types of Shamanic experiences needed you awake, if just barely.
This time I ignored the distractions, and shut down the music. I wasn’t here for some far out groovy trip, I was here to achieve depolarization and converse with divinity. Have some respect, I told myself. I again asked my previous question, and continued.
“Who are you? Not in the sense of your name, because we share an essence, and though you could say William, it won’t answer the question I’m really asking, and that is… ‘Who ARE you?'”
“What do you do and what don’t you do, that’s made you the king of this being’s mountain? I ask this with respect and an honest desire to learn. This is from pure humility, not disrespect.”
I received glances, teases that showed a more “together” version of myself, somewhere way up there. His endeavors more in harmony with the possible highest divinity outside of the universe and It’s purpose. This felt like a quickie trailer for a film I was very interested in seeing, and somehow I knew that these visions would later expand to a fuller, 2 minute trailer that exposes the nature of the plot, and eventually a 2 hour long film that would give me some kind of compass to direct me towards following a similar path.
But for now, that’s all I was going to get. I reminded myself the intention here wasn’t to go deeper or darker in terms of my consciousness. If I had, I would’ve merely fell asleep and twitched since I’m still not used to sleeping while sitting up (one of my many goals), and then snapped out of the self induced trance. So, I then let down my guard, whilst reminding any presence that I was protected by the circle around my head, which had caused a slight and pleasant tension around my temples and forehead. I was safe now to explore, having put my questions to the Higher Self, and I would await further instructions.
I don’t remember what transpired within my own head after that, but eventually I remember realizing I’d have to count back, now from 1 to 12, and then 1 to 13, in order to bring myself back up. I slowly began to do this, but then remembered I was still quite in the zone, and figured I should probably begin to look into the “Scrying Glass” (which was in fact just a dark, reflective pan), and I was slightly disappointed because the pan wasn’t as reflective as I had hoped, instead distorting most of could possibly have been glimpsed from within it.
Then, I began to see shapes. Well, whether that’s my reflection or not, that looks an awful lot like a body and head, looking back at me. It then shifted. Now it was spindly and tall. Again it warped. Now it was closer to the window that separated me from this other, and I had to remind it, “I am protected by the circle around my mind, and you are protected from me, because you are within the circle of this reflection (the pan being circular). It backed away, and shifted around. I asked, out loud, “Let any being that hears my calls announce itself, and I will show respect and treat you as though I am speaking with one of my own, humanoid, corporal form. I will not fear you or revere you.”
I asked a few times, and it slowly disappeared. I heard voices in the distance, and acknowledged that these could either by my land lord and friends outside, or something more fascinating, but either way, I wasn’t getting any real response tonight. So, I went back to counting up, and slowly reintroduced my toes and fingers to movement. I got up and slowly removed my “head band”, having had a rather successful meditation.